Archive for March, 2008

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Monday, March 31st, 2008

We are taking the stars off the sky, one by one. And then we wonder why it is getting so dark in here.

Emancipation at Tiffany’s

Sunday, March 30th, 2008

Forget the breakfast! Receiving my ISBN number deserved Tiffany’s. It was an extremely exciting experience. Because seeing the number made it clear: that was it, no more joking, my baby is about to go in print! I am to become the second Tajder with an ISBN number- my grandfather, Dr. Miroslav Tajder wrote a much praised book about petrology. The topic couldn’t be more distant to mine.

I was so proud that I wished I could always carry this special number with me. So, as a tattoo is not an option, I went to Tiffany’s and bought a silver pendant and had my ISBN engraved. This was not only an act of celebration and of “spoiling” myself, but also an act of prevention – I did always want to have a Tiffany moment so why wait and hope for somebody else to (maybe, one day, if I’m a good girl) give it to me? Just for the case anybody thought I was not a snob.

The same evening, I received a mail from a friend saying that our friend got engaged – her boyfriend took her to a trip somewhere exotic and surprised her with a Tiffany rock! I was supposed to be envious. Sorry, too late. Had my Tiffany moment already. With the most unique diamond adorning it – my first book. And look at this: I will never have to return it! Because I didn’t get it - it is mine.

Ana von Vibrator

Saturday, March 29th, 2008

The first shock about seeing my book prepared for print was that some imbecile designer thought it would be cool to divide my name with the book title. So inside my book, I am called Ana from Barbie to Vibrator Tajder. Thank God I could have still protested about that. I was furious. I ran to see my neighbors/friends (yes, still Laudonplace) who were just drinking coffee in Marcus’ apartment next door to me. “Those idiots, can you guys believe what they did to my name???!!!” I was raging about human stupidity. “Imagine they designed poor Dostoevsky’s Idiot!”  As always, they managed to make fun of the situation “Ana von Barbie zum Vibrator Tajder, haha!” (we are speaking German here) “But how about Ana von Vibrator!? That fits perfectly!” Super, how will I ever get rid of this one?

Eat your heart out, Dita von Teese.

Vive la différence!

Saturday, March 29th, 2008

In yesterday’s discussion about the roles of men and women on Okto TV, my female counterpart proudly announced that she has both male and female aspects and she can jump from one to the other, depending on the situation. I argued. I am always a woman – no matter if I am heading a business meeting, practicing the art of tai-chi sword, watching K1 fighting or kicking a man out of my apartment after sex. I am very much against women trying to overtake male characteristics in order to “win” in men’s world. We should rather proudly use our femininity and characteristics which men so not have to complement men, rather then compete them.

Mama and Ana

Thursday, March 27th, 2008

My mother and I stopped in front of a window of an antiques shop. There was an elegant art deco mirror hanging in the window. „Oh, we are so beautiful!“, my mum loudly said, her voice full of delight. I looked up. The ebony frame framed two identical figures: same size, same black hair, same black coats. Same alabaster skin, same smile, same spark in black eyes. For a moment, it confused me. But then it filled me with joy. Next to us a lady was standing. She was my mom’s age, red haired, bigger than us, wearing a grey coat. As she heard what my mum said, she turned and looked at us smiling at our twins in the mirror. She smiled “I didn’t even dare to look at myself“ she said. I could hear a note of envy in her voice. My mum turned towards her beaming with joy „Oh, I normally don’t like looking at myself either, but with my daughter next to me, it is something totally different.“ That second,  it became clear to me what a huge influence the person on our side has on our attitude toward ourselves. And for a moment, I felt that I gave my mother a very special gift: a touch of eternity.

“To silicone or not to silicone” or “To have it all or not to have it all”

Wednesday, March 26th, 2008

In their book “Weißbuch Frauen Schwarzbuch Männer”, Sibille Hamann & Eva Linsinger are complaining that, while in the 70’s women were wildly protesting against beauty dictatorship, today we have quietly accepted it. Female body, they claim, has become a modifiable object which reflects our attitude towards life: “The body that a woman is carrying around herself is not anymore a question of destiny, but an obvious proof of her approach to life. Each detail is a result of a conscious decision: to lie on the sofa, rather then lift weights; not to have a wrinkle Botoxed away, or to leave the fat where it is.”

I couldn’t agree more: God, do I wish silicone is not an option and “to silicone or not to silicone” wouldn’t exist as a dilemma.

But let’s get serious: that same “dictatorship of choice” goes for all other aspects in women’s life. Not only our bodies, but also our whole lives have become modifiable objects reflecting our conscious decisions: to be educated or not; to earn money, rather than have kids; to be single, rather than married; to be a “housewife” rather than have a career. We do have the benefit of free choice – but in the same time the curse of feeling like a failure if we chose not to have it all.

When did art become public masturbation?

Tuesday, March 25th, 2008

Why is “art” without a message, invention, aesthetics or amusement being supported? Is it because it cannot be dangerous in any way?

I went to a modern dance performance. It wasn’t just any performance; a famous French choreographer danced in Tanzquartier, Vienna’s Mecca of modern dance. People get paid a lot to do this. There were 5 dancers on an empty stage. 4 men who looked like they just escaped a mental institution, hospital for bulimics or a prison. And one woman from the same institution, with dirty hair, unshaved armpits and hanging breasts. None looked like a dancer. There was no music. For 50 minutes, they were throwing themselves around the stage like autistic savants. What I was watching made me feel offended, annoyed and aggressive. I really have better things to do with my time. “But Ana, this is a dance laboratory. This is research!” my friend tried to explain. Come on – research is great, if it shows something new, something ascetically pleasing, something fun, something that will make us think, make us float away or has a message. But just getting rid of your frustration and energy is what I call masturbation. And if it is not sexy, then please, don’t do it in public!

Joke of the Month

Monday, March 24th, 2008

Putin goes to a restaurant with Medvedev and orders a steak. The waiter asks, “And what about the vegetable?” Putin answers, “The vegetable will have steak too.”

Swan Lake Philosophy

Sunday, March 23rd, 2008

This ballerina felt very philosophical in her ballet class yesterday…. I realized that the three basic rules of ballet can also be applied to life outside of Swan Lake:

1. In order to keep your balance, think forward, not upward

2. You need to go down in order to jump up

3. Think up when you’re going down – otherwise you’ll crash

Happy Easter!

The Playmate Inside

Saturday, March 22nd, 2008

A bunny story to get into Easter mood…..

I watched an interview with two Playmates after a photo shooting for Playboy. They were platinum blond, tanned, giggly and talked in high voices. They reminded me of exotic birds I watched on BBC documentaries. The interviewer asked what a woman can do to feel more sexy. Two identical Barbie dolls started singing in one voice “Put some self tanner on your skin… do your make-up. Do your hair. Because when you feel better about yourself inside, you look more attractive on the outside.” I found this answer hilarious. I thought to myself “Ooooh, now I know why I’ll never become a Playmate: my skin, my face and my hair are not my inside!”