Posts Tagged ‘Men’

Please, just let me be (a Woman)

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

Oh, I am so tired of making excuses!

When I’m thin, I “must take care that I don’t become anorexic”. When I start gaining weight, I’m warned that my “dad’s family tends to be overweight” so I should be careful.

I worked as a manager in telecommunications business and my boyfriend was angry because I was “too concentrated on your career”.

I go to university in my trainers and I’m warned that I should take care “not to become one of those intellectuals who don’t wear make up and only own black clothes.”

Then I hear Alice Schwarzer say “you cannot fight for women’s rights and look girly”. So when I put my beloved dress on I’m scared I look “too much like a doll”.

When I read The Economist and Die Zeit and Spiegel, they say I’m boring. But then I have to feel guilty when once in a while I fetch Gala or Elle.

I have to think about how many men I had sex with. If that number is OK or not. Who cares?

I date a young man and they say “but he’s too young”. When he is muscular, he’s “primitive”. A business man has “not so much in common”. When he is an artist, then he “cannot give me any security”. And then the same people ask me why I’m alone!

When I wear make up, they wonder what I’m hiding. When I war none, they wonder why I don’t take care of myself.

When I show my intelligence I hear that “men don’t like clever women”. When I enjoy shopping with girls they say I “behave like a bimbo”.

When I feel great I hear “you scare men off”. When I feel shit it’s “but men like happy women”.

When I say I practice tai-chi sword, they say “oh you’re the kind of a woman that could kill a man.” When I say I also dance ballet, they ask me if I can do the split. Oh, please!

When I say I want to find the right man and marry him and have kids, they blame me for “clichés”. Because I didn’t yet find the right man and marry and have kids, they wonder “what’s wrong” with me.

When I say I don’t like going to clubs anymore, they say “oh, you got old”. When I had my fringe cut, I was blamed to “look too young”.

They say my breasts are too small, and then they bitch against plastic surgery. They show me porn with all those balloons and wonder why I feel bad because I have none.

When I offer to pay, I feel like a feminist. When I don’t, I feel like a whore.

I was asked in awe “why the hell do you want to do a PhD”? Why not – my both grandfathers had one?

I only see pictures of women with perfect bodies and then they say “but we like women who feel comfortable in their skin.”

When I get excited about politics, they look at me in surprise. Just as they do when I discuss Barangelina’s upcoming divorce.

And now, I have to feel bad about having written all of this. Someone might get something wrong. I’m so sorry.

Horny, monogamous, glowing Hulks

Friday, January 8th, 2010

Great! I’m reading in The Economist that scientists have identified both the hormone for monogamy and the protein molecule that acts as a receptor. It is called vasopressin. They have already turned a certain “promiscuous” mice type into monogamous mice. And out of some reason (I’ve lost the thread here), the article continues explaining how scientists also managed to create mice which glow in the dark. So hey, we’re ready to go. But the article ends with “It may be some time before such interventions are available for human males, but women can always live in hope.” Which asshole wrote that article? Like all men are promiscuous and all women are not…

Anyway, I was trying to imagine they really invented a pill for monogamy. Would anyone want to take that pill on their free will? And if not, would we end up with WOmen  (this is not a typo) secretly feeding their men the pill….Then I came to the cocktail of pills they could also give their men to improve them a bit, if they have already invented the secret pill-feeding technique. A pill for monogamy, a pill for weight-loss, a pill for building muscles (do anabolica exist only as injections or also as pills?), a pill against hair loss, a little blue-pill called Viagra for… well, you know for what. We would end up with a world full of mad Hulks running after their exhausted wives with big hard-ons, glowing in the dark. How about a new game: “Recognise your Hulk by his… hmmm…glow!”?

Nay, let’s rather like our men the way they are. Like Austrian author David Schalko said, you can always forgive infidelity, as long as you don’t know about it.

The Economist article

little truths of life

Sunday, November 1st, 2009

My dad complaining against my new bangs (Stirnfransen/siske):

Dad: “I preferred you without bangs. You looked more serious. People look more intelligent when you can see their forehead.” (God woman, you look like a kid now. Grow up finally!)

Me: “Yes, it’s really interesting how people react differently now that I have bangs…” (Yeah dad, but you should see men looking at me since my new hairstyle)

Dad (smiles): ”Yes, men don’t like intelligent women” (Forget it, they’ll keep on running away)

Me, wondering: “Shit, is he reading my mind?”

A love letter to all my ex’s

Saturday, April 25th, 2009

Yesterday, I was driving in my car and I heard a very heartbreaking song by a guy who was dumped by a girl and was completely devastated. His heart was on the floor, his life worth nothing, suicide, same old, same old. And it dawned on me that I have never really been completely devastated because of a man (yeah, one evening of crying and drinking a bit too much of Vodka, but that’s not really what I would call devastation). Maybe because it was usually I who broke up (yes, it might be that I suffer from a “runaway girlfriend” syndrome, but don’t really want to go into that). But maybe also because I learned from my parents how to stay a strong individual and always continue building my world, even when in a couple. So I have something to hold on to when I stay alone.
And right now I had a conversation with a friend whose boyfriend dumped her after 6 months of a very serious and perfect relationship which seemed to promise to lead to an altar. She was so broken she needed psychiatric help. And that made me think again. I went through my relationships and suddenly felt fantastic – I have never, ever been treated really badly by a man. OK, maybe once, by Mr. P. It all started like “sex only”, but then I fell in love and wasn’t aware of it. We continued the “sex only” thing while he had real relationships with other women. It went on for years. I was very hurt by not being “worth” of being his girlfriend but too much in love to give him up. But then again: mea culpa – I was consciously playing with.
So, after I have realised how well my guys actually treated me (no betrayals, no games, no false promises, no disrespect), I had a horrible urge to scream to all my ex-boyfriends/lovers/affairs:
THANK YOU GUYS, YOU WERE GREAT!!!!!!

Next!

The Managers & Nancy Pelosi’s Breasts

Wednesday, March 4th, 2009

Today, I was thinking about the influence this crisis will have on the image of men. Because hey – they created the crisis! Especially those “winner” types: clever, strong, visionary…. fighters, winners, leaders. The MANAGERS. Will it move us more in the direction of…. the more handy men?
So I asked my friends on Twitter/Facebook (and formulated my question a bit too clumsy): Will it move the idea of ideal man away from suit and tie?
My favourite answer (to my stupid question): “I prefer them without clothes”
I agree. But then… am not sure if I really wanna see the CEO of AIG naked.
Anyway, if posed right, I think that the question is really interesting.

And my second thought of the day: God, it must be a hard job being Nancy Pelosi!!! I wonder how it must feel when a whole nation (or two or three) is staring at your breasts while they listen to their leader’s (too long) speeches?
I think that the camera in the House of Congress urgently needs to find a different angle. Save the poor woman!

“Unavailability” Scholarship For Young Female Scientists

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

Ladies!
I just decided that once I got my Nobel, I am going to offer a (very generous) scholarship for young female biologists/neurologists/psychiatrists who are willing to make a research on a very important and crucial topic: What is it in men that makes them detect when you are unavailable? And: Why do they come in masses once you are unavailable?
(Please note that “unavailable” includes not only your relationship status, but also the mental state of “I really cannot bother getting involved with anyone right now”)
Imagine the power we had once we finally found that magic button. Because one thing is for sure – you can’t fake the “unavailability”. Just as they can detect the real thing, they can detect the faking. This male sixth sense is so strong that it sometimes scares the shit out of me. You know that “Where the hell did you come (back) from??? And why NOW????” feeling?
Yeap. So, get ready and start writing your exposés.
P.S. Gentlemen – was just wondering, is there a similar 6th sense feature in ladies?

DABA

Thursday, February 5th, 2009

Check them ladies out!
Dating a Banker Anonymous is a blog started by two friends whose relationships with their FBFs (Finance guy Boyfriend) went down with the Wall Street reports. So they started a blog: “Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA) is a safe place where women can come together – free from the scrutiny of feminists– and share their tearful tales of how the mortgage meltdown has affected their relationships.”
So if you want to see how some people are REALLY suffering from the economic crisis, go visit them at:

http://dabagirls.wordpress.com/

The world is gone mad.

…………
Hehe, and the FBFs are (trying to ) fight back:

http://www.bankersball.com/2009/01/28/the-curiously-pathetic-life-of-bankers/

Ana’s Ode to Manhood

Thursday, January 15th, 2009

Yesterday, I attended a lecture by Erich Lehner, an Austrian gender scientist. The promising topic of the lecture was “Man: the neglected sex”. The first shock was that Mr. Lehner, although very sympathetic, managed to turn this exciting topic into a sleeping pill. The second shock was his main message: save the poor men, help them, they are in crisis. We expect them to be manly but also have soft skills, be strong but also understaning, go on maternity leave, look like George Clooney, be rich like Bill Gates, etc., etc. WE don’t! It is the media that makes you feel we do. We want men to be men, to respect us and to be reliable (plus: we want chemistry, of course). This was so heartbreaking that I immediately wanted to hug all men in the audience and tell them how fantastic they are. Is manhood really suffering a crisis? I didn’t notice that. I mean, yes, all that shaving of breast hair and tons of cosmetics and the quest for a six pack are….well…..not really necessary…… But hey, today’s men are fantastic! They care of their looks (didn’t I write about those muscles few weeks ago?), they are hard working, they are great lovers, they are more open to women and their complex nature (and needs), they can cook and change diapers. And come on, they are still the bosses (in Austria only 6% of top management positions are occupied by women)! So where the hell should a crisis come from?

This got me a bit sad. First, we have women in crisis. Then we have “Frauenpolitik” (women’s policies). Now we should have men in crisis… Männerpolitik? Isn’t our society just totally absurd? I mean, this should be the simplest thing in the world. It is just that we managed to make it so complicated.

And finally, Mr.Lehner mentioned a very interesting statistics: 3x more women attempt suicide. 3x more men are successful in it.

Guys, get your act together. You’re fantastic!

Note to potential husbands

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

Here’s a nice Christmas present to me:

My Austrian publisher’s catalogue of spring releases just came out. I brought it to my parents yesterday, all proud and excited. And they were also proud and excited. But then they started worrying that once the book is out in Austria, I will never get married. My liberal, intellectual 1968ers parents scared the shit out of me….

So here a plea to all my potential husbands:

1. Check out the category my book is in: LITERATURE! Not autobiography/non-fiction/”Sachbuch”

2. Yes, it does say “some parts autobiographical” – but hey, this sells (after all, I am a marketier by profession)

3.  Isn’t it just excellent to live the devil out when you are young so later you know you’re not actually missing anything as you’re feeding a screaming baby at 3 AM instead of dancing with models in posh clubs?

4. I can cook!!!!!

And here a quote from my book’s review in Croatian Playboy (claiming that my book is just opposite of being feminist): “Feminism has failed – because as long as every Carrie is just dreaming of getting married and having a baby, nothing has changed.”

Yes, we are a lost generation…..

Women simply are mamas (but what about the minorities?)

Monday, December 15th, 2008

From NY Times (thank you Oliver!):

Two British academics took 83 businesspeople — roughly half of them women — and described to them two companies, one that was steadily improving in profitability and an-other that was steadily declining. The subjects were told to pick a new financial director for the firm and were presented with three candidates: a man and a woman who were identical in experience and a lesser-qualified male. The subjects were slightly more likely to pick a man to lead the successful firm but were far more likely to pick the woman to lead the failing one. Two other experiments with similar designs yielded the same result: When presented with men and women to lead a company that’s going down the tubes, people pick the woman…… The theory has some historical evidence to back it up too. When the academics examined the performance of the 100 biggest firms in Britain, they found that women were disproportionately hired as C.E.O.’s only after their firms had been struggling for years. When firms were doing well, they rarely appointed women to lead. Ryan and Haslam say the data also suggest the glass cliff applies to minorities. When you consider this year’s American presidential election, the glass-cliff theory becomes particularly tantalizing — because it might neatly explain the rise of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Perhaps it was only during extremely hard times that America would finally consider a woman and a black man for the highest office.