Oh, I am so tired of making excuses!
When I’m thin, I “must take care that I don’t become anorexic”. When I start gaining weight, I’m warned that my “dad’s family tends to be overweight” so I should be careful.
I worked as a manager in telecommunications business and my boyfriend was angry because I was “too concentrated on your career”.
I go to university in my trainers and I’m warned that I should take care “not to become one of those intellectuals who don’t wear make up and only own black clothes.”
Then I hear Alice Schwarzer say “you cannot fight for women’s rights and look girly”. So when I put my beloved dress on I’m scared I look “too much like a doll”.
When I read The Economist and Die Zeit and Spiegel, they say I’m boring. But then I have to feel guilty when once in a while I fetch Gala or Elle.
I have to think about how many men I had sex with. If that number is OK or not. Who cares?
I date a young man and they say “but he’s too young”. When he is muscular, he’s “primitive”. A business man has “not so much in common”. When he is an artist, then he “cannot give me any security”. And then the same people ask me why I’m alone!
When I wear make up, they wonder what I’m hiding. When I war none, they wonder why I don’t take care of myself.
When I show my intelligence I hear that “men don’t like clever women”. When I enjoy shopping with girls they say I “behave like a bimbo”.
When I feel great I hear “you scare men off”. When I feel shit it’s “but men like happy women”.
When I say I practice tai-chi sword, they say “oh you’re the kind of a woman that could kill a man.” When I say I also dance ballet, they ask me if I can do the split. Oh, please!
When I say I want to find the right man and marry him and have kids, they blame me for “clichés”. Because I didn’t yet find the right man and marry and have kids, they wonder “what’s wrong” with me.
When I say I don’t like going to clubs anymore, they say “oh, you got old”. When I had my fringe cut, I was blamed to “look too young”.
They say my breasts are too small, and then they bitch against plastic surgery. They show me porn with all those balloons and wonder why I feel bad because I have none.
When I offer to pay, I feel like a feminist. When I don’t, I feel like a whore.
I was asked in awe “why the hell do you want to do a PhD”? Why not – my both grandfathers had one?
I only see pictures of women with perfect bodies and then they say “but we like women who feel comfortable in their skin.”
When I get excited about politics, they look at me in surprise. Just as they do when I discuss Barangelina’s upcoming divorce.
And now, I have to feel bad about having written all of this. Someone might get something wrong. I’m so sorry.
Jay Kay’s Magic
Sunday, July 25th, 2010I’m in love with Jay Kay since the first time I’ve seen him. This was at a cashiers’ desk of Zielpunkt (Austrian discount grocery store) in 1993. God only knows what his first CD was doing in that shop….
I fell even deeper in love when I saw him perform for the first time in 2002. He was like a ball of energy bouncing (in the coolest dance moves since Astaire and Jackson) from one side of the stage to the other. I calmed down a bit after I met him the same night – in person he was quiet, shy and … smoked-up. Plus – his accent made the conversation very difficult.
Last night, I’ve seen Jamiroquai perform again. Many things have changed in those eight years but one thing stayed same – I’m still in love. Last night was special because it was extremely fulfilling to see how lives and circumstances change. For the better.
Jay Kay: He calmed down. He is still incredibly energetic. He still electrifies the audience. But now it seems a bit more… not controlled but…. careful. What he used to do on stage was pure self-destruction. It was of course extremely gratifying to the audience but it was not sustainable in the long term. Especially not without drugs. On one side, as a fan, this “calmer version” makes me a bit sad. On the other side, as a woman in love
it makes me happy to see that he will not bleed out on the stage just to fill the voids in our lives. He managed to perform a very fine balancing act of preserving his energy without seeming controlled or withheld. That’s what makes a great artist! Bravo Jay Kay!
Ana: I found myself! In 2002 after the concert, and especially after meeting Jay Kay and the band and hearing about their lives of rock stars, I was very sad about my life of a “Special Project Manager” at a mobile network provider. Compared to life of creating, performing, sharing energy with people, energizing your audience, travelling, being surrounded with like-minded people, my life seemed like a useless disaster. I was sad. And I was envious. Last night, I was just grateful for what they were giving me (us) and deeply satisfied with my own life and with the fact that now, I am a part of this creative force. Bravo Ana!
So one huge bravo to everyone! Including you, dear readers!
Tags: art, Commentary, Culture, Personal
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