Happy Birthday, Bitch!

Barbie was born on 9 March 1959. Ruth Handler created her based on German dolls called Lilli. Up to now, 100 million meters of clothes were used for her wardrobe. If she were alive, Barbie would be a woman standing 2.13m tall with a waistline of 45.7cm and a bustling of 100cm. In fact, she would need to walk on all fours just to support her peculiar proportions (wouldn’t THEY like that?!). She would have deformed joints, problems with breathing and she would be infertile. 90% of girls aged 3-10 have at least one Barbie. I won't bitch about her on her birthday. Because let's be honest - her name in the title of my book surely added to its success. So I should say: Thank you, Barbie. And in all that positive spirit, here my two favourite Barbie jokes:

A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?" "Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." "Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture ..."

………. A little girl goes to see Santa Claus at the local shopping mall. When she arrives and sits down on Santa's lap Santa asks "What do you want for Christmas little girl?". "I want a Barbie and a GI Joe" says the little girl. "But Barbie comes with Ken" Santa says, "No, Barbie only 'cums' with GI Joe!" barfingbarbie