The Swine and the Flu

Dear readers, do not fear the swine flu!

I officially had it (this is why I haven’t been writing for a week) and – it is not as bad as it sounds. Actually, there are some positive sides to it.

1. Everybody is very scared for you and concerned about you. And the attention is GOOD!

2. Everybody is concerned but also scared of the virus, so – you have your peace.

3. The symptoms are so strong, that you immediately know it is not just a normal flu (I was out of breath after the 3rd word. And not because I was talking about sex!)

4. You get Tamiflu. Tamiflu kills all your symptoms (good) and it also makes you feel high, like you’re constantly smoked-up (good if you like the feeling). Don’t get scared of the hallucinations, delirium, changed behaviour, Japanese kids killing themselves, you will read about in the warning section. It is not that bad. I didn’t jump out of the window.

5. Tamiflu and the flu will fuck up your stomach. You will constantly feel sick and will constantly have to eat something (like some pregnant women). If you want to put on weight, this is good.

6. Tamiflu and the flu will make you TIRED. So you will be forced to catch up on the sleep for the past 10 years or so. I slept 11h in row, every night. This is good for your skin and your brain.

7. You might finally learn how it feels to be an animal in the zoo. My neighbour Markus was fantastic because everyday he bought my drugs/medicine and my food and left it in front of my door. Then he went to his flat, closed the door and called me. At first you like finding stuff in front of your door. But after a few days, you start feeling… offended by the isolation.

Let’s free the poor animals!