"Who the Fuck is Alice?", the Beginning

This is the beginning of my new fairy-tale "Who the Fuck is Alice?", based on Carroll's "Alice in Wonderland": Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her gay friend in the café, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped at the chat her friend was having on his iPhone, but it involved no straight man, „and what is the use of a chat,“ thought Alice, „without a straight man involved.“  So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could for her hormones made her feel very agitated and stupid), whether the pleasure of reading gossip magazines would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the papers, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.

There was nothing so very remarkable in that; but when she realized that this Rabbit was tall, bursting with muscles and extremely hot, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen such a big rabbit, so she ran across the street after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop into a large black car parked on the side. In another moment in went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again...