January 11th, 2010
Have you noticed the new trend: “altruism for sale”? Yes, we are now we are selling out altruism to the corporations! Helping others, making a difference, the most crucial aspect in our feeling of fulfilment is being sold out. Altruism, so precious for our well being, has lately been suffering a crisis just as big, if not bigger, than our economy. We lose altruism, here comes 1984!
Buy a certain Gucci bag and 25% of the retail price will go to UNICEF (for the trick, check out the small letters: only if you buy it between 16 November and 31 December). Kate Spade’s new collection is featuring those cute mittens and hats, all hand-made by women in Bosina. Those women get $7 pro piece, which is, according to Spade, double of what they normal wages. Oh how nice! The small letters say: It is a day’s work to knit such a hat. Its retail price is $85. Is it great help, is it fair, should we really be proud to make people earn $7 a day, only 500km from here? How about teaching them to fish instead of giving them a (small) fish? Roberto Coin, jewellery designer is helping CARE. A percentage of every package of Pampers goes to some charity (sorry, no details, am not into diapers). If you subscribe to The Economist, they will plant a tree for you. And you can even watch your tree online….
The trick is new: they are trying to make us feel better about spending money on unnecessary, overpriced stuff and keep the vicious circle of consumerism alive by promising that our action will benefit someone. Instant clearance of consciousness. Instant great feeling. Of course, the ones that benefit the most are the corporations. Rich getting richer. The effect is sad: we are deep into learning to hand over our responsibilities, decisions, even feelings, to the corporations. We only need to consume and everything else will be taken care of. This distances us even further from the actual problem. We don’t need to understand what is going on, and why. We don’t have to consciously decide to help someone, we don’t have to chose whom and why. Gucci/Economist/Spade will take care of that. And nothing changes. Gucci keeps on making millions, we keep on slaving to afford a Gucci bag and women in Bosnia keep on living in poverty. But hey, now we feel good about it! Thank you Gucci/Economist/Spade/Pampers.
Tags: Capitalism, System
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January 8th, 2010
Great! I’m reading in The Economist that scientists have identified both the hormone for monogamy and the protein molecule that acts as a receptor. It is called vasopressin. They have already turned a certain “promiscuous” mice type into monogamous mice. And out of some reason (I’ve lost the thread here), the article continues explaining how scientists also managed to create mice which glow in the dark. So hey, we’re ready to go. But the article ends with “It may be some time before such interventions are available for human males, but women can always live in hope.” Which asshole wrote that article? Like all men are promiscuous and all women are not…
Anyway, I was trying to imagine they really invented a pill for monogamy. Would anyone want to take that pill on their free will? And if not, would we end up with WOmen (this is not a typo) secretly feeding their men the pill….Then I came to the cocktail of pills they could also give their men to improve them a bit, if they have already invented the secret pill-feeding technique. A pill for monogamy, a pill for weight-loss, a pill for building muscles (do anabolica exist only as injections or also as pills?), a pill against hair loss, a little blue-pill called Viagra for… well, you know for what. We would end up with a world full of mad Hulks running after their exhausted wives with big hard-ons, glowing in the dark. How about a new game: “Recognise your Hulk by his… hmmm…glow!”?
Nay, let’s rather like our men the way they are. Like Austrian author David Schalko said, you can always forgive infidelity, as long as you don’t know about it.

The Economist article
Tags: Men, Relationships
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December 18th, 2009
I will be reading some new stories from my book “Von der Barbie zum Vibrator” tonight:
19:30
Lhotzkys Literaturbuffet
Rotensterngasse 2 (corner Taborstrasse)
1020 Vienna

Tags: Von der Barbie zum Vibrator
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December 6th, 2009
Dear readers,
do not fear the swine flu!
I officially had it (this is why I haven’t been writing for a week) and – it is not as bad as it sounds. Actually, there are some positive sides to it.
1. Everybody is very scared for you and concerned about you. And the attention is GOOD!
2. Everybody is concerned but also scared of the virus, so – you have your peace.
3. The symptoms are so strong, that you immediately know it is not just a normal flu (I was out of breath after the 3rd word. And not because I was talking about sex!)
4. You get Tamiflu. Tamiflu kills all your symptoms (good) and it also makes you feel high, like you’re constantly smoked-up (good if you like the feeling). Don’t get scared of the hallucinations, delirium, changed behaviour, Japanese kids killing themselves, you will read about in the warning section. It is not that bad. I didn’t jump out of the window.
5. Tamiflu and the flu will fuck up your stomach. You will constantly feel sick and will constantly have to eat something (like some pregnant women). If you want to put on weight, this is good.
6. Tamiflu and the flu will make you TIRED. So you will be forced to catch up on the sleep for the past 10 years or so. I slept 11h in row, every night. This is good for your skin and your brain.
7. You might finally learn how it feels to be an animal in the zoo. My neighbour Markus was fantastic because everyday he bought my drugs/medicine and my food and left it in front of my door. Then he went to his flat, closed the door and called me. At first you like finding stuff in front of your door. But after a few days, you start feeling… offended by the isolation.
Let’s free the poor animals!
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November 23rd, 2009
Here are some breaking news for all bad-ass-aesthetically-spoiled-princesses like me!
Last night, I found a very interesting hypothesis by Bruno Bettelheim. In his “Kinder Brauchen Märchen”/“Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales”, he explains that the fairy-tales featuring beast grooms (like frogs and beasts) are all about how love and affection will turn sexuality, which the inexperienced perceive as something animalistic (the beast-groom), into an awarding act (the prince). He does not claim that is about kissing someone you actually don’t want to kiss.
So good-bye to the idea that good girls get awarded for kissing frogs and beasts!
(Yeah dad, I do remember what you told me: “A handsome man is good for a night, a good man is good for a life-time.” My intuition also does not completely agree with rejecting the frog thing, but… Damn it!)
And here my last frog-kiss. You can send in the prince!

Tags: Fairy Tales
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Holidays in a coma (stole this from Beigbeder)
January 13th, 2010God, this is just as horrible as the Tsunami was five years ago.
Why do catastrophes like this always hit the poorest regions of the world? On the other hand, I guess that this is part of the reason why they are poor.
And the most horrible is – my friends have left to Carribean today in the morning. For holidays. To spend their money on five star hotels (are there any left?) and basking in the sun. That constant clash of rich and poor, catastrophe and extravaganza, emergency and abundance. Out world is far from healthy….
My sympathy goes to people of Haiti.
Tags: Commentary, System
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